Our Endless Numbered Days - Claire Fuller

04:29 Unknown 0 Comments

Highgate, London, November 1985

This morning I found a black and white photograph of my father at the back of the bureau drawer. He didn’t look like a liar. My mother, Ute, had removed the other pictures of him from the albums she kept on the bottom shelf of the bookcase, and shuffled around all the remaining family and baby snapshots to fill the gaps. The frame picture of their wedding, which used to sit on the mantelpiece, had gone too. 

On the back of the photograph, Ut had written “James und seine Busenfeunde mit Oliver, 1976” in her steady handwriting. It was the last picture that had been taken of my father. He look shockingly young and healthy, his face as smooth and white as a river pebble. He would have been twenty-six, nine years older than I am today. 



Let me preface everything I am about to write by saying that this book filled me with so many emotions. Fuller’s writing style is one that I will continue to return to from now on because this novel has truly just swept me off of my feet and knocked me for six. There is something very fairytale-esque about this novel in it’s setting and the characters, but there is an obvious juxtaposition with the complete sadism with which Fuller treats them. 

The novel follows our protagonist Peggy in two different times of her life. When we first meet her she is seventeen and at home in London with her mother and brother, seemingly trying to readjust. We learn this through her reminiscence of when she was 8 years old and spending time with her father. Her father, James, is a survivalist or a “retreater” and is part of a group of men who all believe that the world is going to end and that they need to take precautions. He stockpiles in their cellar and makes sure that Peggy can pack everything she needs, run downstairs and set it all up in the space of little under 10 minutes. When her mother goes to Germany to continue her career as a concert pianist, James decides that Peggy doesn’t need to go to school and they start lessons of survival in their garden; how to make a fire, skin squirrels and what berries and mushrooms were safe to eat. But after an argument with a friend, James decides this is no longer a safe place. He makes Peggy pack her things and they head off to find die Hütte. This is something that Peggy has been told about by her father to be some magical place with a piano and a river with fish you can just lean in and grab, yet it is far less than that. It is ramshackle, dilapidated and nothing that either of them were expecting. They begin to fix it up and it becomes more like home but one morning James comes back and tells her that there is nothing left in the world. There is no one else. Her life is slowly reduced to working to keep them alive, a makeshift piano that makes no noise, and the feeling in the back of her mind that they aren’t alone. 

Peggy is an incredible character; mostly because she is flawed. Throughout we see her becoming impatient and as she grows up she tries to become more independent. Her independence isn’t so much of a flaw in itself but it is the fact that she can’t fully destroy the tether linking her to her father. She allows him to instruct her on what to do, which as an eight year old seemed to be a game but at nearly seventeen it becomes more of a challenge. What we see Peggy do is start to challenge her father’s authority and she hides things from him that she otherwise wouldn’t have done. I don’t think she wants to necessarily but she just never finds the right time to tell him. 

James’ character is a lot like this through the whole of the novel. He really does believe that this is best for them and frequently becomes angry when things don’t go according to plan. He slowly begins to lose a grip on his sanity throughout and I love the way that Fuller shows this. He becomes obsessive over certain things, even if they’re not likely to work. The first real example of this is the creation of the piano. Even though he can’t make it make a sound he creates a working keyboard out of the wood of their dining room table. Slowly these things get more and more drastic like trying to move the river closer to die Hütte to try and have a closer source of water. Eventually however his real obsession is to change Peggy into his wife, Ute, who he believes to be dead. It’s quite sad to watch his deterioration throughout as we’re never really sure of his next move, especially when he is responsible for looking after Peggy.

One of the strangest things throughout the novel is the idea that they might not be alone. We as readers know that the world has not all gone, because of the changes in time frame, but we do not know if they are alone in this clearing or not. In the corner of the hut behind the stove is written the name Reuben. Peggy starts to feel observed after noticing this name and Reuben becomes more and more of a presence in her life. I don’t want to linger on his character for too long for fear I may spoil the story for some, but his presence is something of a calm away from the storm that is Peggy’s father. 

The fairytale aspect of this for me comes in two parts. The first is the setting of this novel. It’s in this clearing in the woods in what I imagine to be like a pretty beaten up shed. The idea of dense forest to hide something or someone away is a pretty big trope in classical fairytales; think of sleeping beauty. Yet I think the biggest link to the fairytale is the fact that Peggy demands that that is not her name to her father and wants to be called ‘Punzel; a shortened form of Rapunzel. Cue thoughts about the Disney film Tangled and Rapunzel being locked away in a tower in the forest. 

I think one of the best things that Fuller does is make everything feel incredibly claustrophobic, even though it’s outside. The clearing is never described in terms of its size but it is surrounded by tall trees that you can’t see through, and on three sides there are either mountains or hills. On the fourth side, is the river. After a traumatic experience crossing the river the first time, Peggy states that she will never go near the water again. And she doesn’t. This is really the only way that she can escape from her father, and her fear of it means that she is forced to stay. Even climbing to the highest point on top of the mountain ridge, there is no seeing over the furthest hill and there is no sign of life. The whole setting becomes enclosed and it becomes even smaller still when die Hütte is explored. It’s got a stove and some shelving, a single bed, a table and some stools, and a case with some tools in it. Minimalistic but really all that fits inside. When autumn arrives they even line the walls with logs that they can use for firewood which further brings the walls in and this increases the tension. Peggy’s hide out in the trees even becomes smaller as she grows. 

I think that the juxtaposition in time works. We get to see her as a seventeen year old and her as an eight year old both trying to establish themselves in their surroundings. Nothing of what they see is really theres and everything is different to their expectations. I love that there’s this mirrored narrative of really learning more about your surroundings, whilst for Peggy it’s learning about the house and her new brother, but for 'Punzel it’s all about the forest. But this also shows Peggy as flawed without a real knowledge of anything that’s going on around her which really makes you feel for her as a character. I really wanted to just scoop her up and lift her out of the forest to her home in London because the situation does at times become incredibly volatile. 

This isn’t a book for the faint of heart. There are times in this where I definitely felt a lot of anger and a lot of sadness but also a lot of anxiety. The setting and the characters altogether really make this such a success. I think that Fuller really captures this imaginative eight year old growing up into a young woman, out of touch with everything she once knew, before being thrown back into society. 

Total pages - 382
Total read time - untimed
Rating /10 - 7.5
Recommend - Yes 

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Satin Island - Tom McCarthy

02:12 Unknown 0 Comments

"1.1 Turin is where the famous shroud is from, the one showing Christ’s body spin after crucifixion: hands folded over genitals, eyes closed, head crowned with thorns. The image isn’t really visible on the bare linen. It only emerged in the late nineteenth century, when some amateur photographer looked at the negative of a shot he’d taken of the thing, and saw the figure - pale and faded, but there nonetheless. Only in the negative: the negative became a positive, which means that the shroud itself was, in effect, a negative already. A few decades later, when the shroud was radiocarbon dated, it turned out to come from no later than the mid-thirteenth century; but this didn’t trouble the believers. Things like that never do."



McCarthy isn’t an author I’d ever heard of but this novel was shortlisted for the ManBooker prize this year. It didn’t win but it was really the only one on the list that stood out to me. It’s an interesting and experimental way of writing that McCarthy uses; 14 chapters broken down into short parts. It makes it really easy to read but not necessary all linking up to one another. I really enjoyed his writing style and the ambitious nature of what he was trying to capture. 

The story follows our protagonist U, a corporate anthropologist, as he is set the task of writing The Great Report to sum up our culture. Throughout he procrastinates with visits to his lover’s home, and researching a parachutists death and an oil spill. He seems to think that all of these things will link up to decode what our culture really is and throughout we get little insights into how it possibly could all link up. But then things all appear to change for U and he’s forced to reconsider what he thought to be true. The whole novel really made me think about how I view culture. It can be said to be related to the physical objects that we’ve got to show for what we’ve created, yet it also can be shown through our patterns of behaviour. All of the way through this novel, U battles with his thoughts surrounding the two. 

I don’t think we ever come to a definite conclusion at the end of the novel. U’s procrastinating takes a turn when he wants to really understand what happened to his lover, Madison, when she visited Turin’s international airport. He seems more concerned about delving into her past than focussing on his paper, and it is even with her that this idea of Satin Island appears. He’s laid in bed with her after intercourse and he falls asleep, beginning to dream about flying in a helicopter around an island, vibrant in colour and life, and this inspires him in what he wants to do for his report. Yet he never wants to work on it. Or he doesn’t have the drive. 

McCarthy’s writing style seems to leave room for reader interpretation. I don’t think that we’re meant to know all of the answers, which I understand might be frustrating to some readers. It’s such an interesting concept, what defines our culture, that it does requires room for discussion. I personally love the essay style, with these unanswered questions. I think this was what made it so enjoyable. The novel is written in this essay style, with a lot of interesting facts given not only about the surroundings and the characters, but about some things that don’t really seem important, for example the opening of the novel talking about the shroud. The essay style also helps with the actual language used throughout. The number of times I had to use my kindle’s dictionary function whilst reading this was incredible to me because not only was I reading this, very enjoyable, novel, but I was being introduced to a whole host of new words and new ideas about culture and people and the way I view things around me. 

All of the characters are really well formulated; from the people that he works with to his friend who runs the museum. I seemed to get something from every character regarding our culture, whether it be to do with how we deal with death, stressful situations, and romance. However these are not the real focus in the novel. The real focus is U’s internal struggle with his own definition of culture, but all of these additions help us develop our own image of it. I can’t think of any characters I disliked, but then again I can’t think of any that stood out to me more than others. All of the characters have a reason for existing which links them to U, and this link is mostly just as a form of distraction from the actual task at hand. Yet this is interesting in itself for this can be seen as making U both the protagonist and antagonist in his own story. He will be the cause of his own inevitable downfall; as he’s unable to focus and therefore produce what is needed of him. 

Overall I understand completely why this book was shortlisted for the ManBooker prize. It’s not only engaging and funny, but deeply intuitive and forces readers to consider their own interpretation of culture whilst seemingly attempting to manipulate it. The writing style is easy to read, with short numbered sections within chapters that mean it can be put down and picked up again when necessary; not that you should want to put it down. 

Total pages - 192
Total read time - 2 hours 55
Rating /10 - 7

Recommend - Yes 

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The Light That Gets Lost - Natasha Carthew

07:55 Unknown 0 Comments

Behind the slatted cupboard door the young boy adjusted his eyes to the dark and pressed his face to the tickle and cuddle of familiar coats. He could hear the shouting deep down in the belly of the house, a stranger’s voice rolling thick with gravel stones, and he thought he heard his brother squeal and wished him quiet. Dad was churning up a storm, his low voice booming, steady, concentrating fear. 

The boy knew it would be over soon. The man with the menace would be gone and the drum of kitchen pots and pans would mean Mum was getting the dinner on; the one good square meal with everyone sitting table tight. The boy smelt the trace of Mum’s perfume in the oily fur of a coat she no longer wore and he petted the animal and pulled it to him. 

Even if I didn't love the book - how gorgeous is this cover?!

I’ve always said to myself that I have to be honest with my reviews, especially ARCs I receive through NetGalley. This is one of those that I have to honestly say I didn’t enjoy and had to really push myself to finish. The initial story really interested me when I found it on the website, a classic revenge story when three year old Trey sees his parents murdered in front of him through the slats of the cupboard he’s hiding in. 

We then skip forward an unmentioned number of years to Trey being sent to this camp for “troubled teens” run by what appears to be a religious cult of some kind. It’s never really said what they are which is my first real qualm with this novel. There is no real backstory to why the camps were set up in the first place for these teenagers. There is prior knowledge of the camps that Trey knows but none of this is really handed over to the reader. We are sent into this setting without really knowing what to expect, which I think is meant to put the reader on edge, but actually left me more confused than anything. The scale of the camp is also really confusing to me. There are lots of parts to the camp that Trey visits (the bunkhouse, the farm, the canteen, the farmhouse etc.) and to know where one of these is in relation to the other, especially for the end of the novel, is really important. Yet there is no map. This would be an addition I would make immediately - purely to avoid any confusion. 

Another thing I found confusing when reading was trying to remember who everyone was. You’re introduced to a lot of characters because of the camp setting and therefore it’s important for each character to have really defining characteristics. This I thought was what was really lacking. Trey is our main character so we are immediately forced to really remember him and what he’s been through in his past, yet he’s still slightly undefined. There’s lots of references to “the demon” throughout but I still have no idea after finishing the novel as to what this really meant for his character. Was it some vengeful part of his soul? Or was it his anger? I’m not sure if it’s meant to be open to reader interpretation but it is overly confusing and an almost unnecessary addition to the story without the explanation. 

Other characters I didn’t really like were Lamby and the twins John and David. They seemed undefined, especially the latter two, and I didn’t really feel much of a connection to either of them. Even when Lamby is sent to hospital half way through the novel I found myself not really caring at all. This is something that I really wanted to feel when reading this. Emotions run really high when revenge is involved, see Hamlet by Shakespeare if you don’t believe me, so I really wanted to feel either sad or angry but all I felt was disappointment. I was disappointed that Carthew also felt the need to implement a love story. Kay is probably one of the characters that I actually like; but I didn’t like her until the very end of the novel, when we actually discovered what she did to end up in the camp. This is what I wanted for all of the characters, including Trey; detailed descriptions of their past lives. Rather than talking me through what they did for work on the farm it should’ve introduced me to the characters, including Wilder, the antagonist, and then given me what they did to end up in the camp. Then we could’ve skipped through quite a lot of the novel to the last quarter or third which was honestly my favourite. 

The action sequences at the end of the novel are really my favourite part. The tension and pacing in the last four chapters is definitely better than during the rest of the novel. The beginning is slow and drawn out with the language feeling like it’s trying too hard to be poetic, but the end is less so. It’s much more of a refined segment, and this I think is owed to the more central role of the antagonist; Wilder. He’s an interesting character. There is a twist regarding him and Trey but its so sudden that it almost feels like an afterthought. The building upon this in the last four chapters though really adds depth to the characters and I love that fact. 

Overall this book took me a long time to finish. I didn’t really enjoy the first half of the book and it was a struggle to get through these. I considered not finishing it. That was how badly I felt about the first half. However, I think that it is worth pushing through if you have the time. The language and dialogue can be a bit like marmite, either you’ll love it or you’ll hate it, and the characters are a bit the same. Yet the ending, I’d say, is worth the drag. The Light That Gets Lost has a wonderful message hidden within the last chapter, which I think relates to the idea of being lost in life, love, and within yourself. 

Total pages - 320 
Total read time - Untimed
Rating /10 - 4
Recommend - Maybe if you have the time 

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